I need a Muse, a person or figure who will be the source of inspiration. Problem is - I'm not sure how to get one. I've already asked the big man in red, he failed to come through. A search on Amazon did not prove helpful. Google pulls up renderings of Greek  and Roman muses as well as other random figures who inspired poets and artists. I have not been able (so far) to summon one of the Greek Muses.  Zeus is not responding to my request. Heck, I'd settle for Tinkerbell, if Peter Pan would share.

    At this point I am in the middle of 1 minor and 2 major commissions.  I know what I want the final pieces to look like. That's not the issue. I have all the colors, canvases, etc. I just can't make myself pick up a brush and paint.  I guess everyone is entitled to a "Mental Health Day."  I should not beat myself up about it. 

    However, it would be nice to have that imaginary figure when both my mind and my canvas are blank.  You know, the one who smiles upon you and inspires art, imagination, and initiative.

    Finally I know what I want to paint.  Steadily I start  to work on the piece.  I am just about finished when I step back. Suddenly I am consumed with fear and self doubt. Does my patron have something else in mind?  Do they realize that my work is abstract and not an example of "realism"?  Is this as good as the initial piece they referred to as an example?  What if they do not like it? What if they are offended?  Whatever the case , I have to finish the piece.  

     I push my fear and self doubt into that box I keep closed in the back corner of my head.  I soldier on.  When I have completed the task and put down my brush, I stand back and take a look.  If only I had a Self Confidence Sprite in my head instead of the dreaded self doubt.  But, alas I do not. 

     Maybe I need to rethink this. In lieu of a Muse, I think need more like a Fairy God Mother.

I am a firm believer of recycling - reclaim, recover, salvage, and save.  I have found that with my art I can do my part to avoid waste. As I have mentioned before, I am quick to paint over a piece I am not happy with.  Often there is a failure to articulate the image in my mind to the canvas in front of me.  But, I digress.

Anyone who follows me, knows I generally work on small pieces (4x4), (4x6), or (5x7).  The initial reasoning was  that it was the first attempt.  Folks sometimes ask me for a "larger" version of a small piece.  I am happy to do so, with the disclaimer that each piece is a little different. So far, no one has complained. 

Another reason I paint small pieces is the cost of  large canvases.  Messing up on a large piece of paper can be easily trashed, with little monetary lost - not so much with a canvas.   (Full disclosure: I have been known to paint on the back of a piece of heavy art paper.) As I have progressed with my art, I have gained the confidence to work on larger canvases.  The only thing stopping me was the initial investment.

One day,  I was discussing this with a very talented and successful artist friend of mine. She shared one of her secrets. Not only does she prepare and paint over what she referred to as "failed attempts",  she takes used discarded canvases  and paints over them.

So now I  find myself scouring used furniture stores and  thrift shops for painted canvases on sturdy wooden frames that are in very good shape.  These trips have been fruitful. Once I found 2 (36 x 48) canvases. These would have retailed for around $200 - $300 from a reputable art supply  company. But by recycling, cleaning, and coating with gesso (to prepare the canvas) - the surface is ready. I can pass the savings onto my customers and do my part helping Mother Earth.

So if you do purchase one of my paintings on canvas, there may be an under story - literally.  Feel good, you are doing your part to help the environment. 

        Folks often ask me where I get the inspiration for my work. Initially, I questioned them, thinking  - I just do it. Then I thought maybe I am different. I have always had a very vivid imagination.  I have always known I was "special " . However my self  esteem was totally deflated when someone commented, "Yes, - 'Special' as in 'Short Bus Special". But I digress.

      I'll be honest, I came up in the south, the old south. The part of the country that still thinks the South will rise again and that the 'skirmish'  of 1861-1865 was our "Most Recent Unpleasantness".  Some find it humorous. But after I went to college (and was out of that safe cocoon all little southern girls are put in) I was thrown  into  the real world. Not to get on a soapbox, but reality made me find my early years appalling. Since then I hope I am open minded, accepting, and inclusive. At least I try. 

      All this brings me back to my inspirations. I think with an open mind. Beauty is all around us.  My characters are what come to me from a myriad of cultures.  Our African friends bring color, joy, music,  great food, love, and  movement.  Our Latino friends bring more color,  family, great food,  and their heritage. Native Americans bring an understanding of the flora and fauna and how we need to both protect and appreciate Mother Earth. Asians bring ancient culture,  discipline, and science.  LGBT is nature versus nurture, not a threat to our children.  And it goes on. America is the world's melting pot. We are stronger and better due to the many parts that make us. It is my goal to embrace and learn from these cultures. 

       Those who want to corral this country into a white Christian nation are short sited ed, ignorant, and scared. That thought goes against what made America great. My background is pure Scottish on my father's side and mixed German and Welsh on my mother's side. I do not fear diversity. I embrace it. I am self confident and not threatened  by our differences. These different cultures bring wealth to us.  We are ignorant not to accept, embrace, and learn from them. 

       I often feel like a voice crying in the wilderness.  This is many words to simply say that my mind is open to all cultures. I draw my inspiration from the wealth of these. I am in awe of those who can make perfect Baklava, express feelings in dance and color, cook for crowds,  embrace multi generations, and share ancient knowledge learned from many generations past. 

      This is what this Great American Experiment is all about. We should not lose site of this. 

      I decided to rearrange my art -mainly the canvases. Well it was a good idea at the time.  I had forgotten how many "styles" I have tried. Anyhow, once it was done, I sat down at a blank canvas.  Blank! Nothing original came to mind. Maybe I need a muse, or  perhaps  an experience to bring on some inspiration.  Like Barry Mannillow  (don't judge me) said,  "Could ya' maybe give me something? 'cause the feelin' is gone and I must get it back right away." In his case, the issue was not inspiration, but realization that his wife is coming home and he has lost his feelings for her. But, I digress.

       Since I have started painting I have mainly worked in acrylics. Oils are above my skill levels pastels too messy, and water colors -- well that's a whole 'nuther kettle of fish. Inspiration comes from random things I see. It can be how someone is dressed, a scenic landscape, something I heard that brought back a memory.  But the agony of a blank canvas is torture and only gets worse with a blank mind. Finally, brush down, walk away, nothing to see here - literally.  I pray to the gods of art,  "And I've looked high, and low and everywhere I possibly can."  I bet the old masters never found themselves in this dilemma. Not that I am on that scale, Heck, I'm not in the same universe.

       No doubt something will come to mind, eventually. " 'cause the feelin' is gone and I must get it back right away".  In reality,  this is nothing major, not a First World problem, it may be a Champagne problem.  Maybe I'll give this up for a while. 

      Wait, something just came to mind. . . . .

      Painting can be a solitary time of feelings that range from excitement and energy to self doubt and total desperation. If you are an artist, and cannot relate - good for you.  I often find myself with the former emotions rather than to later. The great sports commentary from the Grenoble Winter Olympics (1968) - "The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat" often comes to mind.

     Since my recuperation is moving along, I can once again work with large canvases. To save paint (and reservation) I often do a smaller version of what I have in mind in order to get the size and colors where I want them before I commit paint and brush to canvas. 

      My latest undertaking is an abstract of Sylvia Shaw Justin' s 1936 bronze statute entitled "Little Wendy". Most of us will recognize this as "the "Bird Girl" from the cover of John Berendt's 1994 novel "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil". Fun facts -  the statute of is one of the four commissioned. It was later bought by a family for their cemetery plot at the famous Bonaventure Cemetery.  After the release of the movie by the same name, "Little Wendy" had to be relocated to a museum in Savannah to  protect her from vandalism and the family's plot from being trampled and disrupted by very enthusiastic movie fans.  Now this statute is known everywhere as "Bird Girl".

        My thought was to recreate the image in an abstract form.  Putting image to canvas using whatever talent I can summon. I never share any draft versions of a work before the final is ready. In this case, I did, Not because I am happy with the initial work (I am not at all) but to force me to produce a finished product.  So I will eventually produce the final piece or have to admit failure.

      Stay tuned.

               My generation can probably sing the lyrics to this jingle.  The scene was a large group of people climbing a hill while singing a Coca Cola version of  the New Seeker's hit  song, "I'd Like to teach the World to Sing." The Coke lyrics spoke of harmony, love, apple trees, honey bees, and turtle doves.  It was probably the most remembered  commercial of 1971 and one of Coke's best add campaigns.  If you are either too  young to remember it (after all, it was 53 years ago, believe it or not!) or you were living under a rock at that time, you can find the commercial on YouTube.  But I digress.

               Speaking of peace and harmony, June is a busy month. Not only is it the true beginning of summer, with the Summer Solstice on the 20th, it is a month celebrating causes. Fun facts. Monthly celebrations include: Caribbean American Heritage, Alzheimer's and Brain Awareness, and Pride month.  Daily observances include: D-Day (June 6th), World Oceans Day (June 8th),  Juneteenth (the 19th), Father's Day,  World Refugee Day (June 20th) , and International Day of Yoga (the 21st)  to name only a few. 

                In celebrating the month of June, I plan to create art that represents these causes and honors these events.  After all the recognition of these days and months is to bring awareness to these causes.  And "I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony" - If only we could.

I posted earlier about my "Stick" figures. Since I have been recovering from a small incident, I have more time (than I can ever remember) to paint. I always pay attention to comments, both positive and not, folks make about my pieces. Lately, my small paintings of people have been very popular.  Some of these are  stick people and others not. The characters just come to me.  However one thing I have learned is, generally, if I have a specific idea, it never works out. But like Violet, the Dowager Countess said, Life is getting past the unexpected. But, then she also said Machiavelli is overrated, but I digress.

Take the painting of a gentlemen, "The Dandy" . When I sat down to paint, the colors did not turn out as I first imagined. I finished the little man and walked away.  Then I thought "How will anyone realize that is a man?" So I added the hat.  Hours later, I added the bow tie. The next morning I thought there was something else missing, so I added a boutonniere. That did not work, the attempt looked like a messy dot.  It was removed.

Sitting back, I realized the little man looked like a dandy.  But he needed something else. The bare arms looked stupid on a man with a bowler hat and bow tie, so I added sleeves.  Now I needed to photograph the piece. Looking at the image, it still needed something. A pocket square did the trick.  (Which probably goes unseen by most.) 

So a little man with a blank face and bare arms ended up as "The Dandy".  Talk about a work in progress. However, he was the lucky one.  Many attempts end up painted over or tossed.

      I have fought an issue for years. Finally the light went on and I sought wisdom from Google.(I'm always bit slow to the obvious.) The problem - muddy colors.  Because many of my paintings consist of layers of many colors, often when the colors merge they become a muddy brown color. The issue is simple and the fix even more so. Anytime you mix colors that oppose each other on the color wheel, the result is the dreaded "Muddy Brown". For example Red + Green = Muddy Brown, so does Pink + Green = Muddy Brown. And all this time I thought purple smeared next to orange would be a vibrant contrast. Well it is, as long as they do not mix. 

     Oh, the colors can be painted next to each other, just not together. No doubt I should have looked into this earlier.  I just figured that it was due to the type of paint, or more likely, the artist. So next time I need to keep in mind using orange paint smeared with blue results in mud, as does yellow and purple.